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From loneliness to loveliness

Dear World,

It has been exactly one week since I wrote my last story about my father, and as I envisioned, so many good things have unfolded in this short period and they have kept me away from here. So now that I am back, let’s see what I want to talk about….

I think, through Audrey Hepburn‘s quotes, today I want to tell you about a beautiful shift that has taken place in me lately.

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You know, if you personally know me or have read some of my earlier stories, I like to think myself as a fearless person. However, the truth is that I have had fears in certain areas of my life, but never consciously recognized them as such. And when I started to recognize them, the biggest fear I have always had surfaced as that of being alone.

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The first time I discovered that fear was when I went to university abroad and ended up alone in a dormitory room of two. While everyone else had a roommate to live together, somehow I wasn’t assigned a roommate and that way I experienced the thing called being alone for the first time in my life.  Before then, thanks to my large extended families on both parents’ sides, my living space was always full of people, especially my cousins, from whom I was virtually inseparable.

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Back then when I had no one to interact with in my dormitory room, I would feel a particular awful feeling as if the walls were going to swallow me. Sometimes when the feeling got so bad, I would run out to the lobby to see and feel other humanbeings’ existence and comfort myself. Then at some point, not able to take it any longer, one day I asked the residence manager for a roommate and got one to my relief.

Best Audrey Hepburn Quotes

So that was when I discovered the awful feeling of being alone for the first time. Since that discovery, the awful feeling revisited me again and again each time I stayed alone at home for over one day. Then with my decision to leave my homeland for good, it became my constant company and made me feel really awful for the past 4 years…. And especially during the past one year, it became my almost only company.

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In the beginning, it tried to swallow me. Each time it tried to swallow me, I distracted myself by playing Youtube videos, listening to audiobooks or by getting hold of people via electronic messages. Then at some point, I grew to get used to it. Then after a while, I started to thrive because of it.

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And by now, I can’t live without a healthy dose of it because being alone means facing myself, and when I face myself, I thrive. So now when I look back, all those years when I had so many people around me have been so much about other people and not much about me. So I wonder, what if I had really faced myself earlier?… 

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In any case, after living in several countries alone, now I have learnt how to truly live.

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And when I learnt how to live, I became happy. In fact, I am getting happier and happier every day.

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And as I got happier, I started feeling more and more beautiful about myself and about all that is in my life….

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And also I started loving more and more….

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As I explored and studied love, now I have come to know it as the best thing in life and the strongest force in the whole universe.

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Also I have come to understand that all the bad things in the world happen because of lack of love and all negative people behave badly because of lack of love. So after I understood that, now I have started to make up with all the people, from whom I had walked away earlier.

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So now I have a wish, a new wish to help people understand the incredible power of love. As soon as we understood that incredible power, Linda and I started communicating it to the near and dear ones in our lives. And at our earliest possibility, we wish to expand our outreach.

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At my end, I keep trusting and following my heart. When I follow my heart, it always chooses what it loves. So being exposed to so much love, I see that the more love I give away, the lovelier my life gets.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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My Father: The Source of All…

Dear World,

I have just realized that my father has been the source of all in my life. When I say all, I mean all, especially judged by the below list:

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As I told you in an another story earlier, when I was a little girl, my father meant the world to me.

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Indeed, my whole life revolved around him. As a little girl, I used to watch the clock waiting for my daddy to come from work. And when he rang the doorbell at almost exactly the same time every workday evening, I would be the first to rush to open the door and he showered me with kisses.

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And of course, he showered me with kisses before going to work too…. But besides the delicious hugs and kisses of my father, many times I had an another reason to wait for him, watching the clock and trying to detect a noise behind the door like a puppy.

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That reason was when I had had a fight with my brother. Looking back it seems that in my father’s eyes, I could do no wrong. No matter the reason for my brother’s fight with me, my father always scolded my brother and I stood there utterly convinced that every word my father said to my brother was true.

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And my father and I would dance. I would stand on his feet with my tiny feet and he would walk around like a giant. And we danced like that a lot until I became a teenager. And even to this day, that is my favourite dance of all.

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Then at nights, my brother and I used to get into another tug of war trying to decide who would sleep with our father. Usually we took our turns, but sometimes somehow either me or my brother happened to have slept with him two nights in a row and that would be unacceptable by the other. So you see how much we loved our father?

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Back then a day wouldn’t go by without me admiring my father and thinking that he was the greatest person.

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Sometimes, I even wondered how lucky I was to have the best dad in the world….

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So I admired my dad endlessly. I looked up to him and I emulated his actions. And I think, whatever he did so well, I must have wanted to do that thing so well too for I remember having a hobby of having a screwdriver in my hand and fixing broken doorhandles, hinges and other things around my home when my brother didn’t even bother to touch them.

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And my father is a man of few words, so mainly I learnt by following his examples.

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And when I emulated him, I turned out a very good girl. I got excellent grades in school, I did most of the house chores and I never caused any problems except dropping dishes or breaking minor things around home while cleaning.

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And with my academic excellence, I made my father proud over and over again. In fact, when I won my 1st international scholarship and flew to the USA at the tender age of 16, these must have been the thoughts of my father:

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Then I grew up and things started changing. Among all the things I wanted to be, I wanted to become independent. The thought of becoming independent occurred to me in my 7th grade.

Being the more understanding of the two (meaning my father and mother), I mostly begged my father for money for different reasons. Then one day it dawned on me that if I didn’t have to ask my parents for money, I wouldn’t have to ask them for different permissions in the first place. Take an example of going to a concert. Going to a concert meant coming home late in the evening. And because they were concerned about my security, my parents would be reluctant to let me go to a concert. Then in one instance, I thought, “If only I didn’t have to ask for money, I wouldn’t have to tell the reason for asking.” Then I concluded that financial independence meant personal independence. So I decided to seek out both.

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Then in my highschool, I won my 2nd international scholarship and that allowed to study abroad with no financial issues to worry and also with an added bonus of pocket money from the scholarship. So that way I gained my financial and personal independence from my parents for the first time.

However, each time I came back for summer holiday, my independence was challenged. At my end, I still wanted to keep my financial independence by taking up a summer job and the personal independence by living with a cousin of mine, who was living on her own. Unfortunately, that wish of mine didn’t go down well with my father, who wanted to have his “little girl” by his side during the few months of the summer.

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Back then I didn’t realize that all my father wanted was to have his “little girl” by his side. I, in fact, never realized it until now when I had to follow the thread of history to figure out why we had a conflict in the first place.

I think that we had our first conflict when I came back home after my first year abroad. Somehow one day we had a conflict and he told me something that really hurt me.

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Having heard something hurtful from my father, I couldn’t forget it. Beyond the actual words, I couldn’t forget the fact that my father could hurt me. And from then on, a gap grew between us and I began to avoid my father for fear of having more conflicts and hearing hurtful words from him.

But as it turns out I have never stopped needing my father… even now….

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What I mean by “I never stopped needing my father” is that by avoiding my father, I had cut the source and supply of the greatest  love, understanding, support and protection I had in life. So unaware of what I was intrinsically lacking, I had been unconsciously looking for those qualities in other people.

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There have been many days when my life would have been much easier if I was a “little girl”, whose back her father had.

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And when I sometimes couldn’t find those qualities–love, understanding, support and protection–in the people, in whom I unconsciously seeked, I had turned negative…. How so? Well, that is an another long story. Perhaps I will explain it later. All I can say for now is that many things would have turned out better had I maintained my miraculous relationship with my dad.

amazing-father-daughter-quotesAnd of course, me avoiding my father inevitably lead to a conflict between us every now and then, and each time that happened, at the end he always said, “But I am your father!” And I never really got what he meant by that… until now….

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So understanding what he meant by saying “But I am your father!“, I could only imagine how much he must miss me.

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So tomorrow I am going to have a call with my father and make up with him. So please wish me “Good luck!”

Fathers Daughter Quotes by Fathersday15

To be continued…

Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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Very very good to be reminded of that!

If there is something I have learnt to excel at lately, it is saying “No”. Saying “No” to people, things and responsibilities that seem less than ideal. Earlier if I had committed to someone or something, I would keep on keeping on as my sense of loyalty and responsibility is naturally quite strong. However, now I have learnt to say “No” confidently, knowing that I am making room for someone and something even greater.

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And when I say “No” and keep cutting out less-than-ideal people, things and responsibilities out of my life, some observers seem to see it as a failure.

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But I have a goal. I have a goal of surrounding myself only with the people whom I love and do the things that I love.

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And ultimately, I want to create a lifestyle that allows me to do anything and everything that I want to do. Like visiting my family and friends around the world anytime I want to visit them, especially on their special occasions…. And being able to take a break from work after putting in intense focused efforts…. Putting out the best products and services on the market and being proud of those “brain children”, etc.

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So these days I am waiting to receive an “idea” that will get me started towards creating my ideal lifestyle.

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Talking about ideas, I have entertained so many of them over the past few months. But the thing is that I cannot force the best one to pop out as soon as I want it to.

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But I am getting there slowly, but surely.

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In the meantime, I keep making myself a better person and trust that the investment will be worth it.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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Yes! Why be a Copy anyway!

I have always believed that I was born to be a businesswoman. Hence, I always associated myself with a business or two for all my career life. Accordingly, when I moved to Frankfurt from Berlin, I came here thinking that I was going to associate myself with yet another business.

But the unexpected happened. By that I mean, I became my own business. Initially, I did intend to find a new job, but after a while I totally lost my desire, and at some point, I even wondered if I had retired just like that. But looking back what seemed like the failing efforts and internal conflict turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me in my life.

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While first looking for a job and then trying to make myself look for a job, I kept myself happily amused by my Gifts&Miracles. New city and new life meant no friends and no colleagues, so pretty much all alone I was by myself except for my Mr.Special’s visits from a nearby town.

Hooked on my Gifts&Miracles, I started sharing interesting things with Linda. And after a while, I discovered that there is an inner child inside me, who was enjoying my activities on Gifts&Miracles above anyone else including myself.

So I started paying attention to that inner child and let her express herself on Gifts&Miracles. First she was self-expressive, then she became creative. And enjoying her creativity, I became her best friend and the loudest cheerleader. And the more I appreciated and applauded her, the more creative she became.

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Then trusting and appreciating her, I started to let my inner child come out in other areas of my life. And boy, did she love that! 

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My inner child loved her newly-let life so much that she started creating beautiful things all around my life.

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And by now I have activated my inner child so strongly that I don’t have the heart to let her down. Let alone send her back! And when she wants something, she really wants it and I can’t help it. So I go along with all of her desires.

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And because she is an inner child and never lived in a society before, she has no concept of working or earning a living. Instead, she just lives and lives happily ever after.

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And the more I get to know my inner child, the more she surprises me. It seems like there is no limit to her brilliance and potential. In the beginning, I tried to define and understand her, but now I just let her be herself. Her brilliance and potential seems to be just out of my comprehension….

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So how did I discover my inner child and how can you discover your inner child?

By being alone and by having as much me-time as possible. By turning down the noises of the world. By not letting anyone else or any job or profession define you. And when you can do that, you will hear the voice of your inner child, who may have been trying to catch your attention all along.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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Where is Happiness? How to get there?

Hello world!

Today I would like to tell you my story about loving and show you how I learnt to access happiness with the help of it.

It was exactly the night of this day 19th of August last year when the idea of starting a German language blog came flying into my mind. The idea came as the result of me looking for ways to bring myself to practicing German language on a daily basis. And when the idea hit my mind, it shook me so strongly with excitement that I had to get out of my bed, buy the domain name and write a “Hello world!” message before I was able to go to sleep.

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Then that German blog lead me to creating a general blog with a general name, where Linda and I could share just about anything that we like with each other and we named it “Gifts&Miracles“. The moment we thought of the name, we fell in love with “Gifts&Miracles” and nurtured it every day like a baby plant.

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The more we loved “Gifts&Miracles“, the further it expanded. And the further it expanded, the greater it expanded me and Linda. And among the many ways it expanded me, it is my newly-acquired writing skill that truly blows my mind.

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Now when I write, the right words come out of my mind totally effortlessly. All I need to do is to open my notebook when the inspiration is there and the rest just flows by itself as if I am channelling.

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And the more I wrote, the deeper I went inside myself. And the deeper I went inside myself, the more and more happiness I found there.

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And as I kept loving and nurturing our “Gifts&Miracles“, some people thought that I was only playing, perhaps even wasting my time.

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But regardless of what anyone else thinks, nurturing what I love has brought me to happiness. So now I can confidently say that love is the key to happiness and it doesn’t matter what you love because, as long as you love, it will eventually open the door to happiness for you.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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Will Smith knows it!

It turns out that Will Smith knows the ultimate gospel… that GREATNESS lies within all of us.

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I didn’t always know this ultimate gospel. In fact, no one ever told me anything even remotely hinting at the fact that I could have GREATNESS within me.

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But I am not bitter because I eventually found it out on my own. So now my purpose is to help those, who don’t know the GREATNESS lying within themselves, awaken to the fact and help them nurture, grow and eventually learn to do or create anything they want with their GREATNESS.

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When I write like this, you may not believe what you are reading and challenge me with the question “Who are you to say that?” And my answer is “I am someone, who has just discovered and known that GREATNESS lies within all of us. So from now on, I will prove it with my existence, so you can take me as an authority on this subject.”

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But if you wait for me to prove myself as an authority through the results of my unfolding life, you will be taking the longest road. Instead, I suggest that you keep reading my quote story series and let me convince you at the mental level. Once convinced, I am sure you will immediately go about bringing out the GREATNESS within you.

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As for what I am going to do with my GREATNESS, I am going to create an AWESOME WOMAN character out of myself. AWESOME, so AWESOME that when I want to do something, if they are standing in my way, walls fall down on their own, rules bend to accommodate me, and people change against their nature, yet love the experience of it.

So that will be my character in this life!

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And my character will appeal to everybody across all ages, genders, nationalities, religious beliefs and political affiliations.

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My character will appeal to everybody across all ages, genders, nationalities, religious beliefs and political affiliations because I want to appeal to them. And I want to appeal to them because they are all HUMANS and I want all HUMANS to awaken to the fact that they all have GREATNESS within themselves.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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Oh Marilyn, how right you are!

Oh Marilyn, I wish you were alive and available to read the words on this post…. Nevertheless, I will still write it to you in case you can read it from wherever you are.

Dear Marilyn,

Until I was 29, I always wanted to be a man. Why a man? Because I was ambitious.

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Being ambitious always put me among flocks of men, especially in the business world, and I grew to get used to it. Sometimes all alone, at times a woman or two also around.

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Then at 29, one day the life-long preference to be a man suddenly dropped off my body like a used towel, and I finally accepted my assigned gender. Accepting it brought me enormous inner peace and I grew to enjoy it more and more as the days rolled on.

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Accepting my woman’s skin must have been the first step towards finding myself. And I found myself.

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When I found myself, I see and feel that I am beautiful. Therefore, I chose the name Bella, which means beautiful in Italian.

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And also I see and feel that everyone else is beautiful too.

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But the problem is that many people don’t know that they are beautiful and brilliant, just like I didn’t know before. In fact, by now I know that there is no limit to the beauty and brilliance one can shine.

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So now my quest is to help people find themselves and shine the beauty and brilliance that’s undiscovered within them. Why bother? Because you said it the best.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

 

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I feel Madonna so deeply through her quotes

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You must have discovered Madonna decades ago, but mine took place just yesterday when I scrolled through her quotes. Seems like the world saw a provocative Rebel in her, but as I put together her quotes I saw a Goddess in her.

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Coming to how I relate to her, I relate to her at a deep level as a Warrioress.

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Earlier the Warrioress in me used to put me in conflicts with people at times. Sometimes even serious ones. But today I know better. Today I know how to take the purpose, courage and strength of a Warrioress with me and leave behind the fights and frictions.

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All my life I have exactly known what I wanted and never been shy or timid about going after getting it. Why? Because I can’t imagine any other way.

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As I grew older, the natural traits of me got only stronger and it puts those, who care for me, at a great anxiety. But in my heart, I’d better die than to live as a coward.

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Also as I grew older and went forward, I have found a treasure chest within me. So each day I am fascinated by what comes out of my treasure chest.

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But as new things come out of my treasure chest, those who knew my previous version are unsettled. Why? Because I am no longer a certainty and uncertainty scares people at its extreme.

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But I couldn’t care less about what they might be thinking.

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Because I am just getting better and better.

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And I totally embrace and delight at what comes out of my treasure chest.

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And I am sure that, finally the BEST VERSION OF ME will come out of the treasure chest because I have never been happy being the 2nd best in anything that I wanted to conquer!

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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Thinking loud with Walt Disney’s quotes

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Today I am resonating with Walt Disney. So let me show you how my thoughts are resonating with him through his quotes.

In the last two months, Linda and I explored the importance of thoughts and beliefs. And once we found out that they create our realities, we started taking control of our thoughts and beliefs. Then in the last week, we started dreaming. In fact, dreaming really big.

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And now I feel like the time to take action is approaching as we are itching to put what we have learnt over the past few months into practice.

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But this time I do not want to get lost in action like I did in my last job. Instead, I want to have the time and space to dream up a good life and let the dreams inspire my actions.

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Remember that I want to leave behind a Legacy? So I need to dream really big.

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And of course, to become a woman of Legacy, I need to do something that I really really love.

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Certainly, that thing that I love really really much is BUSINESS. But this time I want to be in BUSINESS with an intention to create FunSatisfaction and Prosperity in the world.

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And I myself want to live as the symbol of human potential, which is unlimited.

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So how do I get started and get going? I say, “through explorations“. Exploring anything and everything that is of interest.

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And by the way, exploring is something I have been doing intensely in the past one year. And it makes life so interesting!
graphics-mickey-mouse-01931110Through my explorations, I have discovered something. Something very big. And that is the power of Media. Media in all forms–written, audio and video. Especially the social Media such as Facebook. As a content-creator, I have personally experienced Media as a powerful tool to resonate with people and touch them. So the idea that I could purposefully use Media as my magic stick was my “Mickey Mouse” moment!

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Therefore, I am thinking of starting my action with a Media form and let its magic lead me to all the great places I want to go/experience/be at and reach out to all the awesome people I want to connect/communicate/collaborate with.

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So now the question is “Which specific Media?” And I am on the way to find out.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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My journey through Oprah’s quotes

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I would like to take you on my journey of the last few months through Oprah‘s quotes. So please make yourself comfortable and enjoy!

The journey started pretty much when I came across a thing called “Calling“. (Click here to read what I wrote back then.) So having been convinced by Oprah on what she has to tell about “Calling“, I went ahead in search of it.

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Then I went ahead exploring myself and doing things that I was naturally drawn to. Then the explorations turned into what looks like an unpaid fulltime job.

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After a few months, first I found Myself. And by now, I am really starting to own Myself.

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And when I started to own Myself, below message of Oprah is naturally becoming my existance without any pretentions or efforts.

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And I agree with Oprah on below quote. You may question me on this, but that’s what I am for, for sure. Otherwise, why exist in the first place?

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And below quote is so empowering. I love it!

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Last two nights, Linda and I drew a very grand and clear vision for ourselves. So we are very amused and inspired by the vision right now.

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This below quote is great because I had stopped caring about “success” anyway. (You ask why? This is why, click here.) Coming to the “significance” part, it’s not exactly the word I would use. Mine is more like “importance, impact and influence”.

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And because of wanting to be of “importance, impact and influence”, there is no going into the night quietly for me.

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At the end of the day, I am like everyone else–wanting to live the life of my dreams. But unlike some people, I don’t let fear stop me.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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Thinking through Steve Jobs’ quotes

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Yesterday and today I have totally obsessed over Steve Jobs‘ quotes as they resonated with me so strongly. So I would like to pick up where I left off yesterday and take you through my thought process on Steve Jobs‘ quotes.

If you recall, yesterday, we finished off with below part of a longer quote2

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After having collected all of his popular quotes and having read them over and over again, I decided that the one in the header photo is the single most powerful quote of Steve Jobs. So to apply the lesson to my life, this morning I swore to myself to keep following my heart and intuition (to see the evidence, click here).

Therefore, from now on, I will consciously try my very best to not let the noise of others’ opinions (especially my mom’s!) as well as the noises coming from my head to drown out my inner voice.

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Until today, the noises in my head have been offering me so many great ideas for the future. But as much as they are great, each idea will take almost a lifetime to complete. Hence, I needed to cut down on the ideas, but it had been hard to pick one.

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At the end of the day, we will all depart from this earth. Therefore, my greatest wish is to live a truly wonderful life while I am here.

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Ideally, I want to have a career that will blow my mind every day with wonderful creations and experiences, and keep me infatuated and believing in it for the rest of my life.

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Fortunately, today I came up with the vision for such a career. But when I look at the vision of me in that career, it looks like I need to totally reinvent myself.

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So far in life, what I did turned out pretty good for the most part. But to do something wonderful, I need to throw away the past (especially the past beliefs of who I am and what I am capable of doing).

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Without telling you what my vision is, I know it sounds all too mysterious. But please trust that the dots will connect in my future posts as the events unfold as per my decision for the new career.  

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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Happy 4-Year Anniversary to Myself!

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Today is a very special day for me. It is the 4-year anniversary of me setting out to follow my BIG dreams…

This morning started with me liking and sharing Chinese music on Facebook and really connecting with almost every single Chinese music I listened… Then I found myself getting extremely emotional for no reason… I tried to understand why, but had no idea… Then only after I had made below post on Facebook, did it dawn on me…

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Yes, after having made below post, it dawned on me that today is exactly the 4-year anniversary of me leaving Mongolia for good and setting out to explore the world and make my mark on it…

As I told you in an earlier story, I got on my journey when an idea shot in my mind like a star… And by the time, the idea swelled in my chest, nothing could stop me. I was going to leave for my dreams… And that decision was made in a matter of half an hour…

Then I came to Beijing to learn Chinese and to be with Linda… And when my mom and grandpa (Linda‘s grandpa too) came to visit me in Beijing for my 30th birthday, we all had many pictures taken together and the one in the header was one of them.

Now, the point of this post is not to tell you the details of my journey, but to appreciate the long road I have come along… So I am just sitting here and taking in all that I have been through in these daring 4 years in different parts of the world…

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As you might know, when I came to Frankfurt, I had started a new chapter in my book of life. And with this post, I am finishing that chapter of the book as well as the book itself. And of course, you must be asking “Why?”

And the answer is that from now on my life is not a 2D book, but a 3D movie, where I script my story, direct my movie and act as the leading actress. See below. 2

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So now that I am closing the book for good, I would like to thank everyone and every place that have been part of my life in the past 4 years! It is the love and support as well as the challenges and pains that you gave me along my journey, I found the One precious thing that I can’t trade with anything else in the whole world and that is I found Myself! So I truly appreciate you all and I trust that your journeys will be as rewarding as well!

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella