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What I want (updated)

Hello world!

Three days ago I defined what I want and took the notes here on my sweet blog. However, since then my consciousness level has risen up rather fast, and I have made some updates and adjustments in what I want. So as of this moment, below is what I want2

What I want

Me comes first:

  • Being sovereign, secure, super-powerful and surrendered in existence.
  • Being authentic, honest, humorous and happy with myself.
  • Having the freedom to do what I want when I want to.
  • Having abundance of energy, well-being and wealth to do anything I want.
  • Being ready, able and willing to receive all the good that this life has to offer.
  • Feeling the vitality and the beauty of my body and honoring it. And feeling wonderful in my dresses.
  • Enjoying the delicious juicy feeling that my body creates when I work out, do yoga or dance, and feeling graceful and gorgeous in posture.
  • Having words-can’t-describe-it good experiences. (like my “honeymoons” with B)
  • Laughing and dancing abundantly. Becoming one with music. Perhaps singing too.
  • Having crazy fun and spontaneous adventures. (like my Beijing night outs)
  • Creating beautiful creations that I can look at and never be able to get enough of. (like my sweet blog posts)
  • Owning beautiful real estates and decorating them the way I like. (like I used to)
  • Living and working in wonderful places, which vibe with beauty and comfort. Being in the nature a lot.

Continue reading What I want (updated)

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What I want

Hello world!

Life events have triggered me to think about and decide what I want going forward, and when I wrote them down, I got pleasantly surprised that none of what I want is an end-goal, but all of them are processes. The problem with having concrete end-goals is that I invariably achieve almost all of them and once I get close to achieving them, a nagging feeling of dissatisfaction grows inside me and my subconscious mind sets off a destruction process. (Click here for the story about it.)

That being my previous patterns, I am glad to see that I have taken the lessons from my past experiences and have gotten better at defining what I truly want.

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So what are the new definitions of what I want?

And the answers are here for your curiosity.2 Continue reading What I want

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Why I will do Business

Hello world!

A few days ago when I watched below TEDx Talk of Simon Sinek, I realized that I was among those people, who didn’t know WHY they wanted to do business. 2

In business schools and programs, we are taught and brainwashed that the key purpose of doing business is to earn profit. The greater the profit, the better. But after years of personal experiences and watching of successful business people’s experiences, now I am convinced that Continue reading Why I will do Business

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My Baby is Born

Hello world!

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My baby was born this morning. It is the baby that I have been carrying inside me since 5th grade when I wanted to become a Businesswoman. Academically I succeeded, professionally I thrived and I became a Businesswoman. However, the business world that I was dreaming about turned out to be an ugly place, about which I wrote in some stories of mine (click here for a story).

Captured between the desire to remain a Businesswoman and the hatred for the ugly business world, I was puzzled for a long long time. But it turns out that I was just pregnant and I didn’t know it.

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Long story short, Continue reading My Baby is Born

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Business: Can it be done the beautiful way?

Hello world! hello-diarose

Do you know who hurts me the most in this life? It is this entity called Business that hurts me the most. At one point, it even broke my heart into pieces and crashed my soul to defeat.

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Yet, Business is the very thing that I Love the most as a Calling.

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Does Love have to hurt?

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Can’t Love be all good?

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When Business hurt me, my heart bled and my soul gasped for air.

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At times, it seemed like the evils were all there to catch me while I was at my weakest.

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The well of my pain was deep.

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The pain was deep and nothing could be of instant remedy. So I had to trust the age old saying “Time heals all wounds”.

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And I waited.

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Eventually, the wounds healed, but not without scars.

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The scars of pain are still present and the memories of what happened still haunt me to date.

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It is just difficult to forget what I got in turn for my Love.

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To heal and to forget, I took necessary breaks from Business. But each time I returned, I approached it with a bit of a faint heart.

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This time I approached Business, all started out well. But for the past three weeks, I have had to wrestle with the same old Darkness that I have wrestled with before. And the Darkness, of which I am talking about, is both of mine and others.

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But the thing is that I am really and truly tired of wrestling with Darkness. Enough is enough, you know.

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But the Darkness is out there and I don’t know how to get rid of it. So…

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But a wise man said:

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And another wise man said:

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And another wise woman said:

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And in my heart’s heart, I know that Business and I belong together.

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Without it, I feel lost and I miss it.

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But with it, I keep hurting.
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Can Business be done the beautiful way that I can Love and not hurt?

Or do I need to learn to Love it with the Darkness that it brings with it?

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And I think I just answered my own question!

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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It is awesome to be ME

Hello world! 2321111

Do you know how awesome it feels to be ME these days? The good feeling that erupts inside my chest from time to time is just indescribably good. It is like the whole life bursts out of my chest.

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Now when that happens I know that the Goddess within me is making her presence known to me loud and clear. Perhaps, the Goddess is even declaring that she is about to take over my life altogether as the frequency and the intensity of such bursts keep getting higher.

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So having discovered the Goddess within me, now all I care is to listen to her when I move through life.

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And when I listen to the Goddess, the life unfolds beautifully.

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Lately, the Goddess is telling me to take care of myself at all times at all costs.

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So if the Goddess is telling me that, of course I listen and surrender. So I have decided to say “No” to anything that drains my energy and that I don’t want to do willingly and joyfully.

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And if I am uncertain about a choice, I ask the Goddess and then I listen.

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Also lately I am growing to be highly conscious of and dislike anything that limits me, such as money, work hours, others’ expectations etc.

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So I intend to create a life, which is free of such limitations and I will have such a life.

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And I can say that with confidence ’cause I know that my Goddess is guiding me and backing me up at all times. Earlier I used to go through life all alone and struggling, but now I know that I am not alone.

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Finally, about an hour ago, while taking a break from finishing this post, my Goddess just whispered my Life Purpose to me. So I will share that with you in another post.

Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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A Husband like Jim Carrey plz

Hello world! 505655ba9c4dae91d679cbce58ca757e

Here I have a little crazy post for you. So be ready.

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You know, the past few days I had several instances, which made me suspect that I might be becoming the multi-sensory human being that I am supposed to become as I ascend higher up and my DNA strands get further activated.

So one such instance was when I “saw” why I was still not married and had no children. When I say “saw”, I am using that word for lack of a better term. The way I sensed that fact was like it was just “there”. When I say “there”, I am using this term for lack of a better term again. The “there”, to which I am referring, didn’t and doesn’t have any location or distance. Usually, when I have a knowing, I usually sense its presence either in my mind or in my chest. However, this “there” feels like outside of me, but doesn’t have any location or distance from me…

So you see, it sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Hope you had prepared yourself for this much craziness. So assuming that you had, I will continue.

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About 3 days ago, I sensed that the reason why I am still single and no children has to do with the sponsoring thought that I had grown in my early 20’s. First, to explain the term “sponsoring thought“, it is a term coined by Neale Donald Walsch and it means the root thought related to a thing, which becomes the foundation for someone’s every other thoughts and actions related to that thing.

So in my early 20’s, I had one dominating thought and one dominating feeling. The dominating thought was that I used to think that investing in my teenage cousins’ future was above-all-important as how they got educated and directed in their early youth would determine the course of their entire lives. So wanting them to have happy lives and successful careers when they grew up, I invested all possible resources of mine in them.

As for the dominating feeling, I always felt like there was something very important that I was called to achieve and that having to deal with domestic issues was a hindrance to achieving that. So with this thought and feeling combined, there is no wonder why I haven’t attracted a husband, made children with him, settled down into a domestic life and dealt with household matters. When I think of this whole thing, “the size just fits right”.

So looking back from my mid-thirties, I see that my then-teenage cousins have all gotten married, almost all have children, all doing what they love and all very happy. When I put this picture in front of me, I see that this is exactly what I had wished for them. So how can I be not happy and gratified? I see that I have achieved one of the two most significant Callings I have felt so far.

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As for the other Calling, I have achieved that one also. If earlier I was thinking that I needed to achieve something, at the end of my long quest, I ended up achieving a state of being. A state of an Awakened being, who is on the way to an Enlightened being.

Since achieving a state of an Awakened being and also see my younger cousins thrive, I don’t see any other important thing than to create my own family and wish a happy life for myself, you know.

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So now that I am getting ready, I think my husband is on the way. Being obsessed with success, earlier I used to wish for a successful husband. But now that I am Awakened, I know that only another Awakened human being can keep up with me. And when I look around, among all the Awakened men I know of, I like Jim Carrey the best.

The reason I like him the best is manifold. The most important is the fact that he carries on a cool, fun life while being deeply spiritual. I like his youthful exuberance, I like his fun nature, I like his physical features and I like his meditating, grounding lifestyle shown in below video. 1

If I am to change anything, I would only ask for a younger version of him to match my age. All the rest is perfect.

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And when I was thinking of such issues yesterday, the Universe, the God gave me the following message. 1

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella

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From loneliness to loveliness

Dear World,

It has been exactly one week since I wrote my last story about my father, and as I envisioned, so many good things have unfolded in this short period and they have kept me away from here. So now that I am back, let’s see what I want to talk about….

I think, through Audrey Hepburn‘s quotes, today I want to tell you about a beautiful shift that has taken place in me lately.

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You know, if you personally know me or have read some of my earlier stories, I like to think myself as a fearless person. However, the truth is that I have had fears in certain areas of my life, but never consciously recognized them as such. And when I started to recognize them, the biggest fear I have always had surfaced as that of being alone.

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The first time I discovered that fear was when I went to university abroad and ended up alone in a dormitory room of two. While everyone else had a roommate to live together, somehow I wasn’t assigned a roommate and that way I experienced the thing called being alone for the first time in my life.  Before then, thanks to my large extended families on both parents’ sides, my living space was always full of people, especially my cousins, from whom I was virtually inseparable.

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Back then when I had no one to interact with in my dormitory room, I would feel a particular awful feeling as if the walls were going to swallow me. Sometimes when the feeling got so bad, I would run out to the lobby to see and feel other humanbeings’ existence and comfort myself. Then at some point, not able to take it any longer, one day I asked the residence manager for a roommate and got one to my relief.

Best Audrey Hepburn Quotes

So that was when I discovered the awful feeling of being alone for the first time. Since that discovery, the awful feeling revisited me again and again each time I stayed alone at home for over one day. Then with my decision to leave my homeland for good, it became my constant company and made me feel really awful for the past 4 years…. And especially during the past one year, it became my almost only company.

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In the beginning, it tried to swallow me. Each time it tried to swallow me, I distracted myself by playing Youtube videos, listening to audiobooks or by getting hold of people via electronic messages. Then at some point, I grew to get used to it. Then after a while, I started to thrive because of it.

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And by now, I can’t live without a healthy dose of it because being alone means facing myself, and when I face myself, I thrive. So now when I look back, all those years when I had so many people around me have been so much about other people and not much about me. So I wonder, what if I had really faced myself earlier?… 

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In any case, after living in several countries alone, now I have learnt how to truly live.

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And when I learnt how to live, I became happy. In fact, I am getting happier and happier every day.

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And as I got happier, I started feeling more and more beautiful about myself and about all that is in my life….

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And also I started loving more and more….

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As I explored and studied love, now I have come to know it as the best thing in life and the strongest force in the whole universe.

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Also I have come to understand that all the bad things in the world happen because of lack of love and all negative people behave badly because of lack of love. So after I understood that, now I have started to make up with all the people, from whom I had walked away earlier.

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So now I have a wish, a new wish to help people understand the incredible power of love. As soon as we understood that incredible power, Linda and I started communicating it to the near and dear ones in our lives. And at our earliest possibility, we wish to expand our outreach.

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At my end, I keep trusting and following my heart. When I follow my heart, it always chooses what it loves. So being exposed to so much love, I see that the more love I give away, the lovelier my life gets.

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Feel wonderful! 

Bella