Self-destruction Dissected

Hello world! Hello Sheep

Past few weeks, I have been consciously learning to keep a new kind of balance in my life.


What happened is that 3 weeks back, I realized that I self-destruct. And the way I do is by destroying what I constructed so enthusiastically, so whole-heartedly and so purposefully. Be it relationships, projects, jobs or lives in different countries, all start with burning fire of enthusiasm, dedication and focus, and then end up in ashes.


When I realized the fact that I self-destruct and sabotage my own success, I was like “WOW!”. It was an amazing discovery indeed.


All along, I had been thinking that outside forces kept knocking me down and I had to start all over again, again and again.


But it turns out that I myself am the source of destruction and reason for my perceived failures.

So when I realized that, I dug into the root cause of why I destruct. Detecting the root cause is important because as long as the root stays in the soil, stems and brunches will come out you know.


Then it turns out that as soon as something becomes almost complete, goal almost achieved, or life becomes too good to be true, I happen to get bored and get restless.


And if I don’t give my brain an interesting task and a stretching goal at that stage, my subconscious mind happens to kicks aside the boring conscious mind, takes reign and starts destroying the conscious mind’s creations, so that the conscious mind will have no choice, but to start recreating again.

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So it’s like my brain is the Queen, my subconscious mind is a minister, who is trying to please the Queen and my conscious mind is the worker bee, who does the actual hard work. Crazy, isn’t it?


So yeah, that happens to be me! And since discovering this self-destructive nature of mine, now I intend to own this nature, walk with it confidently and use it for constructive purposes.


And the interesting thing is that, upon digging the root cause a little further, I found out that recreations and transformations cannot happen without destroying the old. So indeed destruction and creation happen to be two sides of the same coin, or the ying and yang.


So constructively balancing the two (creation and destruction energies) is an active goal of mine now. And keeping my conscious mind in reign and it consciously playing with the creation and destruction energies is very very important!


Otherwise, the subconscious mind will take control of the reign at the first possible chance and it will do anything it wants, you know. And if that happens, anything can happen. Be it silliness, or destruction or anything in between is to be expected.


So that is what I am wrestling with these days, and if I successfully learn to balance these two energies, I think I will eventually learn to accumulate my successes and attain a status to present to public, you know.


But then I know that first I need to internally become who I want to be, then the outside circumstances will shape up to prove it.



So in conclusion, consciously balancing creation and destruction energies is what I am up to these days.


Be you, be unique


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