Making Peace with Pains

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I have just spent a week of consciously walking up to my Pains and walking through them. Why do that?

In below video, Tony Robbins said that we humans do everything for one of two reasons and that is, either to avoid Pain or gain Pleasure2

And further he said, 2


So having bought into his proposition, I set the intention for all the Pains residing inside me to surface. Then about half an hour later, I started crying. Suddenly tears flooded my eyes and I started crying rivers. I cried hard, very hard like this. 2


And the reason for that much tears to burst open was because of the Pain I had buried deep inside my heart for having to live life without my sweet boyfriend.


It was 7 years back and our relationship had to come to an end as, given the wide cultural difference, he thought that was better for his future…. Here I say “his future” because I still haven’t bought into his choice, you see….


You know, by the time he had come to the conclusion that the future without me was better for him, I had come to a point in our relationship where I saw him and myself as one unit.


So when the day came for me to leave him, if I had let myself shed a single tear, a flood of tears would have come after it and I wouldn’t have been able to function.


So I told myself to be strong, I swallowed back my bubbling tears with my eyes and every single second, I made sure to distract my thoughts from going back to him.


But regardless of how much I tried to distract myself, thoughts of him kept coming back to me all the time, so I did this in my mind: “I took out the love I had for him from my heart, put it in a box and stored the box on the topmost shelf of a dark storage room so that it won’t keep popping up in my daily life and make me sad all the time.”


But even though we were physically separated, we kept staying together in spirit for months by chatting and calling on Skype. And despite my mind knowing that our life together was over, my heart clung to him and refused to move on. So I had to use force once again and I blocked him on “Skype”. And that meant pretty much blocking him from my life….

Brain and heart

When I blocked him from my life, he must have thought that I hated him, but the truth was the exact opposite. I loved him so much that it hurt me not to be able to be part of his life, do the things we did together and finish the day with sweet “Good night!” kisses.


Without him, my life was empty and dark for a long long time….


I tried to fill in the emptiness with work, but that made it worse. Then I went on search of things that would fill in the emptiness….


While wandering around, I ended up forgetting about the Pain. But when I set the intention to feel the Pains in my heart, it came up again. So faced with the Pain again, I looked up to spiritual teachers and all of them are saying that I should let myself feel the Pain by being fully present with it instead of trying to suppress it, repress it or replace it with other things.

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So for the past one week, I have been sitting with my Pain and been generous with my tears.


And while processing the feelings, I came to see that for me, He was my Home. (I think I will write more about it later.)


So this is what I have been emotionally up to in my personal life for the past one week and I am curious to see how I will transform after this Pain-processing is complete. And I am expecting to transform because the spiritual teachers said that is what happens when someone chooses to walk through one’s Pain.


And I am also curious to know if there is any other long-forgotten Pains residing in my heart. If there is, that will be the next to process.


And by the way, tomorrow is my sweet boyfriend’s birthday. 🙂



Be you, be unique



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