The last time I left you with my confusing Shame Secrets post and since then I felt no calling for writing until this morning. And this morning I woke up with the feeling that the Shame is gradually transforming into a feeling of deep Compassion. Compassion for everyone, who has been in the same situations as I have been and who has felt and still is feeling what awful feelings and emotions I have felt in the past.
So what am I referring to? Well, ugly feelings and emotions like these.
- Loneliness (This tops my list and I still haven’t gotten totally over this one.)
- Out of control
- Taken advantage of
Looking back, I see that these feelings have overcome me when I left the safety net of my roots. Anyway, now I have overcome almost all of them with the exception of Loneliness and soon I trust that I will overcome this poor feeling of Loneliness as well.
And after dissolving above awful feelings, of course my emotional direction is moving towards their polar opposites. So these days, I usually feel secure, appreciated, supported and cared about, and I am discovering new states of being powerful, in control and important (more to be shared about them in a post later). And the feeling I most look forward to receiving once again is to be soaked in love. Just like my Indian boyfriend used to soak me in deep love.
You know, when we were together, he used to make me live in love. Love vibrated from his being towards me and all around. My favorite was to hear love in his voice. At the end of our being together, the weight of his love in his voice kept growing heavier and heavier, and that was so bittersweet for me knowing that our road together was coming to an end soon.
Anyway, all is moving towards an amazing direction and it is just a matter of time until I will be soaked in that much love once again and be felt: