Have you heard spiritual teachers say that in order to let go of our bad past, we need to recall the incident mentally and sit in it emotionally and only then that negative incidents dissolves? Well, that’s what they teach and that’s exactly what I am doing right now–I am sitting in a mud of Shame.
Well, it turns out that I have always been sitting in this mud of Shame for the past few years until its presence just made itself known to me right now. Suddenly finding myself conscious of the mud, right now I have no idea what to do about it. So just sitting here and feeling the Shame.
Oh by the way, before I started this post, I started a list of all the things that make me cringe with Shame and the list is getting longer and longer. And I will call these items on the list Shame Secrets, as these are the things that I avoid thinking about, let alone face them or tell them to others.
As I look through the list, I see that some of the Shame Secrets are fixable, some I can grow to appreciate, for some I can forgive myself and some just need to be let go.
In below Ted Talk, Brene Brown distinguishes between Guilt and Shame. As per her, Guilt is when we think “I did something bad” and Shame is when we think “I am bad”. And in my case, I am calling whatever makes me feel awful about myself Shame.
So what next?
I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want to have any Shame Secrets that make me cringe and feel awful. In above talk, Brene says that Shame cannot survive in the presence of Empathy. So does that mean I need to share the Shame Secrets with somebody? Or with whoever I need to share? Or write here?
Well, none of these options feel right to me. So perhaps the Empathy formula isn’t the only one that works. So I wonder what is the right formula that works for me in my specific situations…. If it was possible, I just wanna collect all the Shame Secrets and burn them to ashes all at once.