These days I am just so awe-struck by the new things that I am experiencing and then learning about myself and other human-beings. Did you know that when you thought you were in love, actually you could be only ego-attached?
Listening to below material of Eckhart Tolle totally opened up my mind to the concept of ego-attachment and addictive clinging to somebody. Some part of the material so resonated with my previous experiences that I had to write them down word for word, hoping that will chisel the material into my mind. So here they are:
“Unless and until you access the consciousness frequency of presence, all relationships and particularly intimate relationships are deeply fraught and ultimately dysfunctional. They may seem perfect for a while, such as when you are in love. But invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments, conflicts, dissatisfaction and emotional, or even physical violence occur with increasing frequency.
It seems that most love relationships become love-hate relationships before long. Love can then turn into a savage attack. Feelings of hostility or complete withdrawal of affection in the flick of a switch. This is considered normal.
If in your relationships, you experience both love and the opposite of love–attack, emotional violence and so on, then it is likely that you are confusing ego-attachment and addictive clinging with love.
You cannot love your partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite. If your love has an opposite, then it is not love, but strong ego need for more complete and deeper sense of self. The need that the other person temporarily meets. It is the ego’s substitute for salvation. And for a short time, it almost does feel like a salvation.
But there comes a point when your partner behaves in ways that fail to meet your needs, or rather those of your ego. The feelings of fear, pain and lack that are an intrinsic part of egoic consciousness, but had been covered up by the love relationship, now resurface. Just as with every other addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for you.
When those painful feelings reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before. And what is more, you now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that you project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of your pain.”
When I heard this part, I was like “Wow wow wow how accurate!!!“…. And here is the complete material for your listening.
When ego-attachment is the problem, Eckhart Tolle advises that focusing on the present moment and facing and feeling the hidden pain is the key to dealing with and dissolving the underlying pain.
So that means more consciousness and awareness homework for me! And maybe then I will enjoy a real authentic love relationship, perhaps for the first time.