It has been exactly one week since I wrote my last story about my father, and as I envisioned, so many good things have unfolded in this short period and they have kept me away from here. So now that I am back, let’s see what I want to talk about….
I think, through Audrey Hepburn‘s quotes, today I want to tell you about a beautiful shift that has taken place in me lately.
You know, if you personally know me or have read some of my earlier stories, I like to think myself as a fearless person. However, the truth is that I have had fears in certain areas of my life, but never consciously recognized them as such. And when I started to recognize them, the biggest fear I have always had surfaced as that of being alone.
The first time I discovered that fear was when I went to university abroad and ended up alone in a dormitory room of two. While everyone else had a roommate to live together, somehow I wasn’t assigned a roommate and that way I experienced the thing called being alone for the first time in my life. Before then, thanks to my large extended families on both parents’ sides, my living space was always full of people, especially my cousins, from whom I was virtually inseparable.
Back then when I had no one to interact with in my dormitory room, I would feel a particular awful feeling as if the walls were going to swallow me. Sometimes when the feeling got so bad, I would run out to the lobby to see and feel other humanbeings’ existence and comfort myself. Then at some point, not able to take it any longer, one day I asked the residence manager for a roommate and got one to my relief.
So that was when I discovered the awful feeling of being alone for the first time. Since that discovery, the awful feeling revisited me again and again each time I stayed alone at home for over one day. Then with my decision to leave my homeland for good, it became my constant company and made me feel really awful for the past 4 years…. And especially during the past one year, it became my almost only company.
In the beginning, it tried to swallow me. Each time it tried to swallow me, I distracted myself by playing Youtube videos, listening to audiobooks or by getting hold of people via electronic messages. Then at some point, I grew to get used to it. Then after a while, I started to thrive because of it.
And by now, I can’t live without a healthy dose of it because being alone means facing myself, and when I face myself, I thrive. So now when I look back, all those years when I had so many people around me have been so much about other people and not much about me. So I wonder, what if I had really faced myself earlier?…
In any case, after living in several countries alone, now I have learnt how to truly live.
And when I learnt how to live, I became happy. In fact, I am getting happier and happier every day.
And as I got happier, I started feeling more and more beautiful about myself and about all that is in my life….
And also I started loving more and more….
As I explored and studied love, now I have come to know it as the best thing in life and the strongest force in the whole universe.
Also I have come to understand that all the bad things in the world happen because of lack of love and all negative people behave badly because of lack of love. So after I understood that, now I have started to make up with all the people, from whom I had walked away earlier.
So now I have a wish, a new wish to help people understand the incredible power of love. As soon as we understood that incredible power, Linda and I started communicating it to the near and dear ones in our lives. And at our earliest possibility, we wish to expand our outreach.
At my end, I keep trusting and following my heart. When I follow my heart, it always chooses what it loves. So being exposed to so much love, I see that the more love I give away, the lovelier my life gets.